Everyone is unique, growing up in a similar yet greatly nuanced environment. As a result friction may arise between two individuals. This is due to the fact that our minds are shaped according to how we are brought up. How we interpret information, how we express ourselves, how we perceive value are all the products of our childhood environment.
Last semester, I experienced conflict with one of my friend. When I was reorganising the contacts in my instant messenger account, I deleted one of my friend’s contact by accident. She then sent me a message, enquiring so. Realising my mistake, I added her back and apologised.
She informed me she still cannot see my “invitation.” I tried to re-add but with no success. After multiple attempts to rectify, I suspect the problem with the server. I informed her to wait for a while for this change to take effect. According to her, she still could not see the “invitation” on her side. She then gave me a remark which was something like “…so am I supposed to lay a red carpet for you (to add me)?”
That remark angered me. I never replied.
Sometimes, people fall out over the most insignificant things like an instant messenger account. I agree that the both of us were frustrated about the inability to add a contact. However, I feel one should not jump to conclusions and accuse, when the other person is not at fault. It would be better to practice patience and seek understanding of the situation first before passing a judgement.
What do you think?
Hey Berwyn,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you that it is because each of us are unique,and with that each and every one of us have differing thoughts on various issues that result inconflict.
For your case,although the source of conflict is just a comment over msn,which might seem like a small issue,this small issue might escalate,to the extent of even affecting your friendship really badly,if not properly handled.
In circumstances like these I think it is best to practice patience like you said.Another solution I would suggest is to treat her comment like a joke and brush it off.You might feel the sudden rush of anger when she sprouted such sarcastic comments and definitely,it is not uncommon to act rashly,but you will have to cool down,give a "haha or LOL" and then brush it off. It is definitely not worth spoiling your friendship with her over this. I read this phrase which i found quite meaningful,"Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me."You might have no control over what people say,you have CONTROL whether to allow those words to hurt you or not."
Hope my advice has come in handy!
Melvis
Hey Berwyn,
ReplyDeleteBeing aware of the problems electronic communication may cause, I always prefer face-to-face communication. Some of the important information are often not conveyed in electronic communication tools such as the MSN. So when you friend typed the message, she might have neglected to express it in the correct tone she wanted. And the MSN is not so handy when it comes to demonstrate non-verbal communication - gestures, facial expressions and tones. Your friend might just be teasing you. But of course whether you felt it appropriate or not also depends on how close you two were. As for me, I don't mind to be teased a bit by my really close friends. Stopping communicating with your friend may not be useful way to solve your problem, at least in my point of view. You may want to have face-to-face chit-chat with her. Both of you may understand each other better once you two put yourselves in each other's shoes. It is all about understanding after all. In the end, it may be just a little whining over the MSN. Hope my suggestion helps. :)
Hi Berwyn,
ReplyDeleteYour post reminds me of something similar that I went through. Indeed, people fall out over things that could be seen as insignificant. I do too, getting into a quarrel and then later felt that it was over an insignificant incident. I have admit it is hard to control emotions sometimes, and this is usually a result of jumping into conclusions. However, I feel that over time, as we reflect back, we will find ourselves improving in our ability to control our emotions and not jump into conclusions as quickly.
To be fair, we do not know what is going on over at the other side, neither does your friend know how you are feeling. I get irritated very easily too, and when that happens, I always take a step back to cool down and analyse the situation.
ReplyDeleteYour friend's remarks were a little too harsh, but maybe she was just joking. As Melvis has said, its best to brush it off, since its such a trivial issue. Our friendships are more important, thats what we need to remember at the end of the day.
Hey everyone, thanks for the advice! Sorry for the tardy reply though.
ReplyDeleteConflicts always give us bad feelings. Nevertheless, we must still learn from every conflict (should they arise) so as to be able to avoid future conflicts.
I will keep in mind the advices that all of you graciously shared.
Thanks! =)